Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
I smell like hickory smoked cow.
I never thought I'd discover a home for myself so early in my life. And quite possibly there is an even more suitable place out there, which I am keeping my mind open to. However, for the time being anyway, Montana has proven itself to be "The Last Best Place". Yes, I am freezing my ass off right now just as I am pretty much all the time. But it is so worth it for the great people, the mountains, my quaint little cottage home in the middle of nowhere, and the general sense of calm I get just from driving around.
Clay is still miserable. He doesn't seem to be any better off emotionally here than when in Maui. I suppose I thought the move would change everything but he just isn't as enthusiastic as me. I know he is definitely destroyed by the chef position at Jammer's. I wish there was some way I could tell him to appreciate what he has without directly saying, "Appreciate what you have."
He is right, though, GPI isn't being fair in many ways. Many employees move up quickly who don't deserve to and many employees get held back who don't deserve to be. And it seems that if there is at least one person who has authority or works in HR who doesn't like you then you are basically doomed. I think important decisions are made based on hearsay more often than not, which causes situations like Clay's.
It isn't wonderful to be working at a fried chicken and barbeque restaurant. My nickname is Carrot Top and my boss, who has likely eaten deep fried food every day of his life for the last 20 years, told me that I look very unhealthy, probably because I don't eat meat. It is kind of a nightmare.
But, all in all, they are nice people and a job is a job. I have another interview for a drive thru espresso stand today. I've never worked 2 jobs before but if there was ever a time to do so I figure it would be now.
Also, if you're looking for something to read pick up tiny beautiful things or check out Dear Sugar on the Rumpus. net. They are the same thing by Cheryl Strayed. And it changed my life. Which is a totally cliche thing to say but very truly it has made me determine that I want to be a writer.
And listen to Halah by Mazzy Star. Because I said so.
Clay is still miserable. He doesn't seem to be any better off emotionally here than when in Maui. I suppose I thought the move would change everything but he just isn't as enthusiastic as me. I know he is definitely destroyed by the chef position at Jammer's. I wish there was some way I could tell him to appreciate what he has without directly saying, "Appreciate what you have."
He is right, though, GPI isn't being fair in many ways. Many employees move up quickly who don't deserve to and many employees get held back who don't deserve to be. And it seems that if there is at least one person who has authority or works in HR who doesn't like you then you are basically doomed. I think important decisions are made based on hearsay more often than not, which causes situations like Clay's.
It isn't wonderful to be working at a fried chicken and barbeque restaurant. My nickname is Carrot Top and my boss, who has likely eaten deep fried food every day of his life for the last 20 years, told me that I look very unhealthy, probably because I don't eat meat. It is kind of a nightmare.
But, all in all, they are nice people and a job is a job. I have another interview for a drive thru espresso stand today. I've never worked 2 jobs before but if there was ever a time to do so I figure it would be now.
Also, if you're looking for something to read pick up tiny beautiful things or check out Dear Sugar on the Rumpus. net. They are the same thing by Cheryl Strayed. And it changed my life. Which is a totally cliche thing to say but very truly it has made me determine that I want to be a writer.
And listen to Halah by Mazzy Star. Because I said so.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Home is where your car is parked.
I slept in my car this morning. For the first time in my adult life I slept in my car in the parking lot of the library. Not for the entirety of a night, by any means. But for a solid hour and half I slept waiting for the library to open. I didn't get much sleep last night and had to wake up dreadfully early to get Clay to work and the Montana Coffee Traders got too busy and here is what I thought:
"I am not unmotivated but I am being inactive. How do I force myself to do things like call back places to get a job? Then again, I was cursing myself this time last year for not reading more and at least it is very true that I have changed that much about myself. But now I feel I am making up for lost time. Will time always appear as if it is being raced or challenged or saved or lost? Apparently, I have the absolute worst taste in music. Albums and artists I can't get enough of make others want to vomit. I start to play something during a casual hangout and within minutes someone in the room is asking me to change it. and it verily bewilders me every single time. I can't believe they aren't enjoying it! not even 'as much as me' but not at all. Then again I know that when others are playing their beloved music I constantly want them to change it too. And what a shock it always is to them that I don't enjoy Oasis or Linkin Park! The problem is I think I don't want the responsibility of being an adult or possibly I am just really, really poor at it. Like right now for instance- I mostly just want to sit in Montana Coffee Traders for the free wifi but I'm too anxious/weirdo to just go up and ask for the goddamn passcode and apparently I have also become one of those annoying coffeehouse regulars that says passcode instead of password. Anyway, what do I do instead? I write in my journal and make a playlist on itunes and sip cold coffee (because I also don't want to ask if I get a refill). I desire to get outta here and go find some cigarettes and go to the library with the fellow weirdos and where I already know the passcode. Damn it all! I forgot I need to eat and a slice of their quiche would be perfect... Clay has already been at work for an hour. I wonder what he is doing? I truly, madly, deeply need to get a job. What makes others more employable than me? How much courage is it going to take me just to print copies of my resume at the library? Why can't I function like a normal human being?"
Instead of going up there and getting some more coffee (because who would really stop me or say anything?) and asking for the passcode or purchasing quiche for breakfast I packed up, stopped to buy cigarettes, smoked two of them on the way to the library, realized it wasn't open, and decided to sleep in my car.
"I am not unmotivated but I am being inactive. How do I force myself to do things like call back places to get a job? Then again, I was cursing myself this time last year for not reading more and at least it is very true that I have changed that much about myself. But now I feel I am making up for lost time. Will time always appear as if it is being raced or challenged or saved or lost? Apparently, I have the absolute worst taste in music. Albums and artists I can't get enough of make others want to vomit. I start to play something during a casual hangout and within minutes someone in the room is asking me to change it. and it verily bewilders me every single time. I can't believe they aren't enjoying it! not even 'as much as me' but not at all. Then again I know that when others are playing their beloved music I constantly want them to change it too. And what a shock it always is to them that I don't enjoy Oasis or Linkin Park! The problem is I think I don't want the responsibility of being an adult or possibly I am just really, really poor at it. Like right now for instance- I mostly just want to sit in Montana Coffee Traders for the free wifi but I'm too anxious/weirdo to just go up and ask for the goddamn passcode and apparently I have also become one of those annoying coffeehouse regulars that says passcode instead of password. Anyway, what do I do instead? I write in my journal and make a playlist on itunes and sip cold coffee (because I also don't want to ask if I get a refill). I desire to get outta here and go find some cigarettes and go to the library with the fellow weirdos and where I already know the passcode. Damn it all! I forgot I need to eat and a slice of their quiche would be perfect... Clay has already been at work for an hour. I wonder what he is doing? I truly, madly, deeply need to get a job. What makes others more employable than me? How much courage is it going to take me just to print copies of my resume at the library? Why can't I function like a normal human being?"
Instead of going up there and getting some more coffee (because who would really stop me or say anything?) and asking for the passcode or purchasing quiche for breakfast I packed up, stopped to buy cigarettes, smoked two of them on the way to the library, realized it wasn't open, and decided to sleep in my car.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
My hair products are eating my brain.
I think if I don't get out of Maui soon I will pop.
Here is the deal, in list form:
1. Colleen (my boss) was on vacation in New York (her home state) for the holiday season. Before she left she gave to me an alcohol license training manual. She told me to just read it once through and go take the test in Wailuku, which will cost me $20. Also, if I lose that training manual it will cost $20 to replace it.
2. I work nearly every single day she is gone, Christmas day and New Years Eve being the only exceptions. I know that Clay wants to leave but in order to get out I have to save up the ca$h money so I keep on truckin'.
3. Everyone seems relatively content that I am fine to work with with the exception of Lexi, who undoubtedly can't stand the sight of me for no discernible reason that I can figure.
4. Colleen returns and in a casual conversation with Clay says, "Oh, Cassie wanted to keep working? I thought she was only working through to the new year...?"*
5. She also mentions to Clay that she is planning on cutting down the hours of both Rachel and Travis, the only servers working at Colleen's with a soul. Travis because he is always stoned and Rachel because she spends too much time talking to tables, supposedly and respectively.
6. I have to go in and look at the new schedule to see if I actually got put on it. Rachel is working and happens to be training a new girl, Josie. **
7. I think that Josie is there to replace me. So, I text Colleen to ask when I work next.
8. She gives me Tuesday AM shift, which went fine.
9. But Clay and I have prospects in West Glacier and at Big Sky. I have the money to get plane tickets and move, it is just a matter of securing a base.
10. Rachel, consequently, wants to get out ASAP too. She's been talking about Alaska so much lately and I keep encouraging her to do it. It would mean that she has officially been to all 50 states if she did go and other than her sweet dog, Isis, she has not reason to stay in Maui.
Anyway, the transition period is rough. Both Clay and I are stir crazy. The stress is making him physically sick and I had a panic attack for the first time since spring the other day. I have actual dreams of being in Montana.
Colleen's, at least, has given me plenty of dos and don'ts in my brainstorm for a books on how to be a casual server/diner. First and foremost: if cocaine becomes apparent as a problem for some of your other staff members, then you probably don't want to work there. Also, if your coworkers enjoy protein smoothies, go to pilates classes, own bright pink hello kitty purses, and can't appreciate a customer who buys other customer's meals as a way of keeping the 'aloha' alive while you are someone who wears destroyed converse sneakers, goes hiking, watches roseanne, and has real meaningful and friendly relationships with customers then you are probably not wrong in thinking that you don't fit in (WHICH IS TOTALLY OK) and it is in your best interest to GET OUT. GET OUT NOW.
*Which is completely absurd. First of all, she is the boss and should know what is going on all the time. Second, she should probably tell me what she wants me to work. Third, never in any conversation with her did she indicate that I was a holiday worker. Fourth, why would she give me the training manual to earn a long-term commitment badge to work for her restaurant if those were not her intentions? She's lying because (1) she doesn't have any actual hours to give me and/or (2) one of the other workers, most likely Lexi, told her I'm not working out in some way.
** Little does she know that she is training the girl who will replace her.
Here is the deal, in list form:
1. Colleen (my boss) was on vacation in New York (her home state) for the holiday season. Before she left she gave to me an alcohol license training manual. She told me to just read it once through and go take the test in Wailuku, which will cost me $20. Also, if I lose that training manual it will cost $20 to replace it.
2. I work nearly every single day she is gone, Christmas day and New Years Eve being the only exceptions. I know that Clay wants to leave but in order to get out I have to save up the ca$h money so I keep on truckin'.
3. Everyone seems relatively content that I am fine to work with with the exception of Lexi, who undoubtedly can't stand the sight of me for no discernible reason that I can figure.
4. Colleen returns and in a casual conversation with Clay says, "Oh, Cassie wanted to keep working? I thought she was only working through to the new year...?"*
5. She also mentions to Clay that she is planning on cutting down the hours of both Rachel and Travis, the only servers working at Colleen's with a soul. Travis because he is always stoned and Rachel because she spends too much time talking to tables, supposedly and respectively.
6. I have to go in and look at the new schedule to see if I actually got put on it. Rachel is working and happens to be training a new girl, Josie. **
7. I think that Josie is there to replace me. So, I text Colleen to ask when I work next.
8. She gives me Tuesday AM shift, which went fine.
9. But Clay and I have prospects in West Glacier and at Big Sky. I have the money to get plane tickets and move, it is just a matter of securing a base.
10. Rachel, consequently, wants to get out ASAP too. She's been talking about Alaska so much lately and I keep encouraging her to do it. It would mean that she has officially been to all 50 states if she did go and other than her sweet dog, Isis, she has not reason to stay in Maui.
Anyway, the transition period is rough. Both Clay and I are stir crazy. The stress is making him physically sick and I had a panic attack for the first time since spring the other day. I have actual dreams of being in Montana.
Colleen's, at least, has given me plenty of dos and don'ts in my brainstorm for a books on how to be a casual server/diner. First and foremost: if cocaine becomes apparent as a problem for some of your other staff members, then you probably don't want to work there. Also, if your coworkers enjoy protein smoothies, go to pilates classes, own bright pink hello kitty purses, and can't appreciate a customer who buys other customer's meals as a way of keeping the 'aloha' alive while you are someone who wears destroyed converse sneakers, goes hiking, watches roseanne, and has real meaningful and friendly relationships with customers then you are probably not wrong in thinking that you don't fit in (WHICH IS TOTALLY OK) and it is in your best interest to GET OUT. GET OUT NOW.
*Which is completely absurd. First of all, she is the boss and should know what is going on all the time. Second, she should probably tell me what she wants me to work. Third, never in any conversation with her did she indicate that I was a holiday worker. Fourth, why would she give me the training manual to earn a long-term commitment badge to work for her restaurant if those were not her intentions? She's lying because (1) she doesn't have any actual hours to give me and/or (2) one of the other workers, most likely Lexi, told her I'm not working out in some way.
** Little does she know that she is training the girl who will replace her.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Dwellings
Why is it that my mind is so susceptible to giving so much focus to occurrences throughout life that ultimately have almost no real significance to who I am and what I am trying to accomplish?
Why can I remember times that were humiliating for myself as a nine year old girl?
Why do I remember people who seemed disapproving of me or blatantly expressed dislike for me, but trying to remember the faces of smiling passersby is difficult?
Why do I dwell on interactions that make me feel uncomfortable or unhappy when they are mere minute details of my being?
And why, oh why, are we so negative towards one another?
I make it my job, every day, to be an encouraging and positive force on others. Of course, I fail more often than succeed because I cannot make my brain keep up with the tasks I have set for it to do. I linger on fleeting thoughts and get easily frustrated if I have not eaten or did not sleep well or lack proteins and energy and hydration or if I don't feel well because of menstrual cramps or a hangover. These elements can quickly change my mood and distract me from how I've told myself to behave. These are all excuses as well. It is true that no one around me has intentionally altered their behavior to affect my mood, at least I sure as hell hope not. So, it would make no sense for me to "take it out on them" by inserting negativity in to my surroundings when the cause of my own negativity is not the fault of anyone else and sometimes not even of myself.
It is so simple to grab a glass of water and an advil without so much of a peep. What use is it to make a big deal of a headache, thereby making it worse, notifying everyone in the room that you are suffering, when one could so quietly find a solution to the problem and carry on? Why do we feel the need to share our suffering, especially when it isn't suffering at all. It is slight discomfort in comparison to the extremeness of suffering.
I have found that I am, in fact and as my mother told me all along, an incredulously sensitive person. My feelings are easily hurt, I can often miss jokes because I'm thinking to seriously, and concepts like "belonging" and "acceptance" are important to me. As soon as I detect rejection my mind is quick to detach itself.
I feel such a strong, pulsing attachment to the state of Montana, the mountain ranges of the west, Glacier National Park, Lake McDonald, the city of Whitefish, the snow that falls there, the animals that roam there, each sunrise and sunset, each trail and tree and stream and shore.
Maui is a beautiful place too. Yet I feel absolutely no attachment to this location. I don't particularly care if I never see the waves crashing against the beaches of Paia again, as long as it means I never have to sit in Paia traffic again.
Does Montana traffic have no affect on me simply because it is occurring in a place that gives me a positive stimuli? Should I, then, be selective of my environments knowing that one will produce a happier, more positive me?
But, what is it about Montana that triggers a favorable response? Does it matter? If I were to find out that all the core reasons in which I prefer Montana to other places are completely arbitrary, meaning I could acquire and achieve the same elsewhere, would it change my mind?
The truth is I don't think it does matter. It could be that the weather is more suitable. Maybe I've subconsciously coaxed myself into feeling that Montana is spiritually correct, that my soul was meant to find a home there and I haven't any real control of it all. That is absurd in reality but whatever the agent is to my affection, the affection does exist and I should allow myself the environment, not deny myself of it.
Is this going to change the way in which I travel and explore? Probably. I am far less likely to go anywhere tropical now.
I feel so completely scatterbrained right now. My mind keeps returning to the thought of some guys from last night laughing at my enthusiasm for the idea of Batman being a spokesperson for women's suffrage and their questioning of my intelligence. It is 99.99% certain that I will never encounter these men again in my life. Still, I felt utterly out of place. Wearing black pants and converse sneakers to a beach. Because, in my mind when I hear 'camping' I think I need to be prepared for the outdoors and protect my lower half. But Maui camping means hanging out in tents by the beach and a highway.
I felt that my humor never once translated the way I had hoped in my thoughts. Perhaps I wasn't that funny or not making much sense because of all the alcohol and THC in my system. Perhaps they were not at full capacity to comprehend the humor of someone they'd just met for the same exact reason. Whatever it was, I didn't fall in to place and that wasn't at all what I had in mind for Christmas Eve.
I know that I definitely can fit in with new environments similar to the one from last night. It was really no different from when I met the team I'd be working with in Belize for the first time. Or our first night together in Belize. How shocked all our systems were and yet we managed to cope and enjoy ourselves. And today I deeply care for many of those people I once considered strangers. How can this be accomplished unless the other party is just as willing and eager to accept and be accepted?
I don't think it can be. Going to the Christmas party last night was a not a good idea. None of those people wanted to share their holiday with new faces. They wanted to feel comfortable with familiar faces. While I was trying to make the best of my first Christmas away from home they were trying to keep sacred this tradition of camping together every year on the 24th of December.
Consequently, I awoke with the sunrise and cried for violent yearning of home. I wanted to walk out to the living room, sleepy-eyed, and see the twinkle of cheer in my mom's eyes and hug all my family members and smell my grandpa's cherry tobacco and show them all pictures of my travels.
I suppose, then, I was spiteful toward the events of my life last night and this morning and did the opposite of what I tell myself to do every day: make the most of your surroundings.
And now, after logically thinking it through and rationally explaining and comprehending the reasons behind the actions of myself and others, I will just unload all my inner wailing and childish cries:
I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN MAUI ANYMORE. I WANT TO BE SOMEWHERE THAT IS EASY FOR ME TO LOVE. I WANT TO BE ENGULFED BY THE LOVE OF MY FRIENDS. I AM SICK OF THE SMELL OF BURNT SUGARCANE AND I WANT TO SMELL CONIFEROUS FOREST. I WANT TO ENCOUNTER WISECRACKING COWBOYS IN DENIM AND BEAT UP TRUCKS AT THE LONE GAS STATION, NOT SHIRTLESS TATTOOED LOCALS IN OBNOXIOUSLY 'TRICKED OUT' HUMMERS THAT CANNOT POSSIBLY BE MORE EFFICIENT FOR GETTING FROM POINT A TO B, AND THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO RACE OR CULTURE BECAUSE I AM NOT A DISCRIMINATORY PERSON. I SIMPLY REALIZE THAT I FIT IN BETTER ELSEWHERE BECAUSE OF MY INTERESTS, GOALS, AND PHILOSOPHY AND FOR MY HEALTH AND SANITY I SHOULD PROBABLY HIGH TAIL MY ASS THERE SPEEDY GONZALES STYLE BEFORE I START EXPRESSING THESE FEELINGS MORE FORCEFULLY.
Take me home, country roads.
Why can I remember times that were humiliating for myself as a nine year old girl?
Why do I remember people who seemed disapproving of me or blatantly expressed dislike for me, but trying to remember the faces of smiling passersby is difficult?
Why do I dwell on interactions that make me feel uncomfortable or unhappy when they are mere minute details of my being?
And why, oh why, are we so negative towards one another?
I make it my job, every day, to be an encouraging and positive force on others. Of course, I fail more often than succeed because I cannot make my brain keep up with the tasks I have set for it to do. I linger on fleeting thoughts and get easily frustrated if I have not eaten or did not sleep well or lack proteins and energy and hydration or if I don't feel well because of menstrual cramps or a hangover. These elements can quickly change my mood and distract me from how I've told myself to behave. These are all excuses as well. It is true that no one around me has intentionally altered their behavior to affect my mood, at least I sure as hell hope not. So, it would make no sense for me to "take it out on them" by inserting negativity in to my surroundings when the cause of my own negativity is not the fault of anyone else and sometimes not even of myself.
It is so simple to grab a glass of water and an advil without so much of a peep. What use is it to make a big deal of a headache, thereby making it worse, notifying everyone in the room that you are suffering, when one could so quietly find a solution to the problem and carry on? Why do we feel the need to share our suffering, especially when it isn't suffering at all. It is slight discomfort in comparison to the extremeness of suffering.
I have found that I am, in fact and as my mother told me all along, an incredulously sensitive person. My feelings are easily hurt, I can often miss jokes because I'm thinking to seriously, and concepts like "belonging" and "acceptance" are important to me. As soon as I detect rejection my mind is quick to detach itself.
I feel such a strong, pulsing attachment to the state of Montana, the mountain ranges of the west, Glacier National Park, Lake McDonald, the city of Whitefish, the snow that falls there, the animals that roam there, each sunrise and sunset, each trail and tree and stream and shore.
Maui is a beautiful place too. Yet I feel absolutely no attachment to this location. I don't particularly care if I never see the waves crashing against the beaches of Paia again, as long as it means I never have to sit in Paia traffic again.
Does Montana traffic have no affect on me simply because it is occurring in a place that gives me a positive stimuli? Should I, then, be selective of my environments knowing that one will produce a happier, more positive me?
But, what is it about Montana that triggers a favorable response? Does it matter? If I were to find out that all the core reasons in which I prefer Montana to other places are completely arbitrary, meaning I could acquire and achieve the same elsewhere, would it change my mind?
The truth is I don't think it does matter. It could be that the weather is more suitable. Maybe I've subconsciously coaxed myself into feeling that Montana is spiritually correct, that my soul was meant to find a home there and I haven't any real control of it all. That is absurd in reality but whatever the agent is to my affection, the affection does exist and I should allow myself the environment, not deny myself of it.
Is this going to change the way in which I travel and explore? Probably. I am far less likely to go anywhere tropical now.
I feel so completely scatterbrained right now. My mind keeps returning to the thought of some guys from last night laughing at my enthusiasm for the idea of Batman being a spokesperson for women's suffrage and their questioning of my intelligence. It is 99.99% certain that I will never encounter these men again in my life. Still, I felt utterly out of place. Wearing black pants and converse sneakers to a beach. Because, in my mind when I hear 'camping' I think I need to be prepared for the outdoors and protect my lower half. But Maui camping means hanging out in tents by the beach and a highway.
I felt that my humor never once translated the way I had hoped in my thoughts. Perhaps I wasn't that funny or not making much sense because of all the alcohol and THC in my system. Perhaps they were not at full capacity to comprehend the humor of someone they'd just met for the same exact reason. Whatever it was, I didn't fall in to place and that wasn't at all what I had in mind for Christmas Eve.
I know that I definitely can fit in with new environments similar to the one from last night. It was really no different from when I met the team I'd be working with in Belize for the first time. Or our first night together in Belize. How shocked all our systems were and yet we managed to cope and enjoy ourselves. And today I deeply care for many of those people I once considered strangers. How can this be accomplished unless the other party is just as willing and eager to accept and be accepted?
I don't think it can be. Going to the Christmas party last night was a not a good idea. None of those people wanted to share their holiday with new faces. They wanted to feel comfortable with familiar faces. While I was trying to make the best of my first Christmas away from home they were trying to keep sacred this tradition of camping together every year on the 24th of December.
Consequently, I awoke with the sunrise and cried for violent yearning of home. I wanted to walk out to the living room, sleepy-eyed, and see the twinkle of cheer in my mom's eyes and hug all my family members and smell my grandpa's cherry tobacco and show them all pictures of my travels.
I suppose, then, I was spiteful toward the events of my life last night and this morning and did the opposite of what I tell myself to do every day: make the most of your surroundings.
And now, after logically thinking it through and rationally explaining and comprehending the reasons behind the actions of myself and others, I will just unload all my inner wailing and childish cries:
I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN MAUI ANYMORE. I WANT TO BE SOMEWHERE THAT IS EASY FOR ME TO LOVE. I WANT TO BE ENGULFED BY THE LOVE OF MY FRIENDS. I AM SICK OF THE SMELL OF BURNT SUGARCANE AND I WANT TO SMELL CONIFEROUS FOREST. I WANT TO ENCOUNTER WISECRACKING COWBOYS IN DENIM AND BEAT UP TRUCKS AT THE LONE GAS STATION, NOT SHIRTLESS TATTOOED LOCALS IN OBNOXIOUSLY 'TRICKED OUT' HUMMERS THAT CANNOT POSSIBLY BE MORE EFFICIENT FOR GETTING FROM POINT A TO B, AND THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO RACE OR CULTURE BECAUSE I AM NOT A DISCRIMINATORY PERSON. I SIMPLY REALIZE THAT I FIT IN BETTER ELSEWHERE BECAUSE OF MY INTERESTS, GOALS, AND PHILOSOPHY AND FOR MY HEALTH AND SANITY I SHOULD PROBABLY HIGH TAIL MY ASS THERE SPEEDY GONZALES STYLE BEFORE I START EXPRESSING THESE FEELINGS MORE FORCEFULLY.
Take me home, country roads.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Dance With Yourself
http://vimeo.com/groups/dancewithyourself
If you are on this blog reading this now then go to the above website. pick a song, any song. play that song and dance to it while recording yourself. Then post that video to this group.
That is all.
If you are on this blog reading this now then go to the above website. pick a song, any song. play that song and dance to it while recording yourself. Then post that video to this group.
That is all.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
To be or not to be: Maui or Mountain Mama?
The other morning, having just woke up, I rolled over to Clay staring at me and he says, "Cassie, I don't want to be in Hawaii anymore."
Well, what's a girl to do. I'm definitely not the type to give up, but I'm looking at it more so as a learning experience. Nothing is set in stone as of yet and perhaps I am speaking too soon. But he seems hellbent on leaving and I can't say I'm disappointed. Maui is clearly not turning out to be how I romanticized it in my head. Thus, the lesson: choose more carefully my path so as not to waste time and money.
Still, coming to Maui has been good for me. I really can't call it a waste.
Either way, I have a lot of Hawaiian themed postcards to send in the next month, because I know I'll never send them once I leave and then I'll just keep them and a hefty chunk my the collection will be touristy-looking "GREETINGS FROM" cards.
I fine with Montana or Colorado and anywhere in between. As long as I am with snow, mountains, and good friends nearby I think I will be content.
That must be the best way to describe it- There isn't necessarily anything wrong with Maui, as it is no better or worse than anywhere else, and I know I can make the best of any situation, especially the ones I put myself in. But, I can certainly see myself being happier elsewhere. While Maui has charming aspects, I am simply not content. I feel I should be doing something. What in the hell could that be?
Clay seems to feel he's not learning much, as far as his career goes. Working for Colleen's for only two months and she is already offering him a chef position? He's more qualified and capable, yet the people he works with love to make him feel horrible by being condescending. And, I must admit, this is one of the worst kitchens I've ever had to deal with and I have dealt with some real asshats.
I think I just feel like I could be learning to ski or near all of my art supplies or with my car which can transport me out of my apartment, which is something I don't do much of here. Except when riding my bike to and from work.
Joyce is gonna need a jump start, some warming up, and a set of new tires to handle the snow.
Here are the current prospects:
Copper Mountain
Crested Butte
Deer Valley
Evergreen Lodge
Montage Deer Valley
Park City
Steamboat
WinterPark
Breckinridge
If any of my friends have found their way here and are reading this, let me know if there is any way you could help get us employment and/or housing!
Well, what's a girl to do. I'm definitely not the type to give up, but I'm looking at it more so as a learning experience. Nothing is set in stone as of yet and perhaps I am speaking too soon. But he seems hellbent on leaving and I can't say I'm disappointed. Maui is clearly not turning out to be how I romanticized it in my head. Thus, the lesson: choose more carefully my path so as not to waste time and money.
Still, coming to Maui has been good for me. I really can't call it a waste.
Either way, I have a lot of Hawaiian themed postcards to send in the next month, because I know I'll never send them once I leave and then I'll just keep them and a hefty chunk my the collection will be touristy-looking "GREETINGS FROM" cards.
I fine with Montana or Colorado and anywhere in between. As long as I am with snow, mountains, and good friends nearby I think I will be content.
That must be the best way to describe it- There isn't necessarily anything wrong with Maui, as it is no better or worse than anywhere else, and I know I can make the best of any situation, especially the ones I put myself in. But, I can certainly see myself being happier elsewhere. While Maui has charming aspects, I am simply not content. I feel I should be doing something. What in the hell could that be?
Clay seems to feel he's not learning much, as far as his career goes. Working for Colleen's for only two months and she is already offering him a chef position? He's more qualified and capable, yet the people he works with love to make him feel horrible by being condescending. And, I must admit, this is one of the worst kitchens I've ever had to deal with and I have dealt with some real asshats.
I think I just feel like I could be learning to ski or near all of my art supplies or with my car which can transport me out of my apartment, which is something I don't do much of here. Except when riding my bike to and from work.
Joyce is gonna need a jump start, some warming up, and a set of new tires to handle the snow.
Here are the current prospects:
Copper Mountain
Crested Butte
Deer Valley
Evergreen Lodge
Montage Deer Valley
Park City
Steamboat
WinterPark
Breckinridge
If any of my friends have found their way here and are reading this, let me know if there is any way you could help get us employment and/or housing!
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